This story contains details some readers may find upsetting.
Ruth Lord has turned her life around following years of treatment for depression and bi-polar and is now working towards her goal of becoming a peer support worker.
“I’ve chosen to use my experience as fuel to drive me forward, rather than a weight to shackle me down. I want to help others by sharing my experiences,” she said.
“I want to make people stop and think and seek that bit of support if they need it. You matter, you really do – even if you don’t feel you do. Everyone matters.”
Ruth’s early life
Ruth, the daughter of two teachers, was brought up near Durham with an older brother. At just 13, depression hit her hard, bringing dark thoughts and moods.
Anti-depressants were prescribed and, despite on-going struggles with friendships and relationships, she managed to achieve both GCSEs and A Levels.
“Dancing was my hobby. It kept me going and that really helped,” she said. “It was something I could lose myself in, something that took my mind off things.”
Ruth went on to study dance and choreography at a North East university, juggling academic work with running a dance school in her spare time.
Just a year later, however, Ruth’s parents separated. This had a huge impact on the young student, and she found herself in an abusive relationship at the same time.
Ruth managed to “scrape through” uni, then threw herself into growing her dance school with summer and after-school classes – while also starting a new relationship.
In her 20s she became engaged, then left everything to move to Dubai. Within months she was lonely, isolated and eventually had a full mental health breakdown.
Mental health struggles
“I knew deep down that I wasn’t happy. First, I became anxious, then paranoid and then got unwell very quickly. My dad had to fly over and take me home,” said Ruth.
“At first, I went to stay with my fiancé’s family, but my health continued to deteriorate. I ended up being hospitalised with acute paranoid psychosis. It was a tough time.”
Doctors initially believed Ruth’s illness had been caused by life changes and stress, but she still “didn’t feel right” after leaving hospital and had “repeated episodes”.
In 2020, at the height of Covid, Ruth suffered a manic episode which lasted months. She found herself in and out of police cells and hostels – a risk to herself and others.
“I was treated as a criminal, not as someone who was ill. I was stuck in a vicious circle of hell. I ended up beaten and assaulted, but I also lashed out too,” she said.
Ruth was charged with several offences, banned from driving and fined for her behaviour. Eventually, she was forced to declare bankruptcy.
With her life in pieces, and the threat of a lengthy prison sentence a real possibility, Ruth attempted to take her own life. She woke up in hospital – disappointed.
“My mum tried to support me the best she could. She knew I needed help, so she went through complaints and got to speak to the Trust’s CEO about my case,” said Ruth.
The turning point for Ruth
“That was the turning point. I was reassessed and re-diagnosed with bi-polar. It was hell at the time, but I now have a really good psychiatrist who has supported me.
“I’m now on lithium, which really seems to be working. It has taken until this year to have any purpose, structure and confidence in myself. To feel like me again.”
Ruth became an involvement member with the Trust two years ago, helping to co-create better services for the future by working alongside staff, carers and other patients.
But she is also hoping to use her lived experience to become a peer support worker within the Trust – so that she can help support others through their own dark times.
Helping to support others
“I was left with a lot of shame around the criminal record I acquired, and the relationships I destroyed. I can never get back some of the things I lost,” she said.
“But I don’t want to be bitter about my experiences, I want to help others. I have walked their path, and I want to connect with them through that shared experience.
“Mental health is not one size fits all. I can add value from my experiences and be part of the journey of care. The more we talk about it, the more people understand.”
Ruth, 41, now lives with her mum and has deliberately chosen not to have children – as she was worried that she might not be there to support them.
She has, however, built up a great deal of resilience through her own journey through crisis and is eternally grateful for the support of her loyal family and friends.
“Not all of my care has been bad, and I can’t change what has happened. I just feel lucky that I made it out of the dark times, and that I can now help others,” she said.
She has recently become involved in developing TEWV’s new campaign encouraging people to get early help for their mental health.
Being involved in ‘You Matter’
You Matter highlights the importance of getting help early if you are struggling with your mental health. It signposts to a range of easily accessible support including self help guides, Recovery College Online, community wellbeing hubs and support centres, mental health support in GP surgeries and Talking Therapies.
The campaign was created alongside Ruth and other people who have lived experience of mental illness, either personally or as a carer, and uses their own words throughout the campaign.
“Empathy is so important when talking to people with mental health. It’s about showing people that they are valued, that their feelings are worth discussing.
“You need to embrace your own worth – and then make sure other people know they matter too. You need to keep telling people they mater until they believe it.
“I think the You Matter campaign is important because people are suffering in silence.”
Find out more about You Matter and mental health support
