A County Durham woman for whom caring is much more than just a job has shared her experiences in the hope of helping others.
Claire Baird, a community modern matron with our Trust, juggles full-time work with caring for her mother – and admits it can sometimes be a lonely and difficult task.
“My advice for new carers, or any carers really, is to make sure you still have time for you, because you are still important. Don’t isolate yourselves,” she said.
“I want to make sure my mam has the best care I can give her. I grab every moment I can with her, and every picture I can take, but I also try to have some time for me.”
Helping in troubled times
Claire’s mother, Katie, is a retired learning disabilities nurse who worked for the NHS for almost 40 years – including stints at Aycliffe Hospital and in the community.
She was first diagnosed with cancer in 2017, managed to beat the disease following treatment, but it returned the next year and again in 2019.
“My dad was diagnosed with cancer in 2017 too, and it came back for them both in 2019. Mam had surgery just four days after he died in November 2019,” said Claire.
“It was such an emotional time. Not only was there all the sadness around dad, but mam needed help and support, as she’d never done stuff like paying bills before.”
Katie stayed with Claire and her husband Danny for several weeks after leaving hospital. Not long after returning to her home in March 2020, the Covid pandemic hit.
“She needed to isolate because of her health. I had to talk to her through a window to keep her safe, but you could tell her mental health was suffering,” said Claire.
Concerns about health
Katie seemed to pick up “a little” when Claire was able to visit her properly and, after being offered a dog to care for, she started to get out and do “really well”.
But, in 2022, Claire started noticing differences in Katie. Over just a few months Katie went from co-ordinating her hair, make-up and wardrobe to becoming unkempt.
“Mam brought me a card on my 50th birthday. She usually knocked and just came in, but didn’t this time. When I opened the door, she didn’t recognise me,” said Claire.
“She was always very smart, but this day was dressed in pyjamas, fluffy bed socks, sparkly shoes and an old t-shirt of my dad’s. It was so out of the ordinary for her.”
At first Claire thought her mother’s confusion might be caused by complications from diabetes but, as the months went by, Katie became more and more forgetful.
She then developed a chest infection and UTI in 2023, which triggered delirium, and Claire became so concerned for her safety that she contacted the social work team.
Katie was assessed and spent six weeks in a local nursing home for respite care. However, on her return home, Claire “just knew” that something still wasn’t right.
More tests followed and in June 2023 Katie was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. She was 73 at the time.
Taking time to care
“My caring role probably kicked in the biggest when mam got dementia. I did her shopping, helped in the house and really worried about her safety,” said Claire.
“Mam has a lot of health complications and is prone to falls. She fractured her ribs and spine in one fall, then had a brain bleed after hitting her head in another.
“She has gone from a warrior of a woman who walked 20k steps a day, to someone who can’t get out of bed and needs 24-hour care. It’s heartbreaking and so tough.”
Claire works with her best friend Carren, a team of carers and district nurses to look after Katie, and she is determined to keep her at home for as long as she can.
Katie is also under the supervision of the mental health support team for older people at Auckland Park – who have been “brilliant, absolutely amazing”.
“Mam has lots of medical conditions, including diabetes, asthma and rheumatoid arthritis, but the one I find most difficult to deal with is the dementia,” said Claire,
“That’s because I’m losing mam to it, and she’s still here. The hardest bit is that I’m going to grieve twice. I’m grieving now, and when she goes, I’ll be grieving again.”
Caring in a crisis
Claire is determined to keep her mother at home for as long as possible and spends much of her free time caring for Katie – sleeping over at least once a week.
“I’d never thought about being a carer, it never crossed my mind, until I was one. It was scary at first, as mam had been an absolute warrior all my life,” said Claire.
“She was always my go-to in difficult times. If something wasn’t right, if I was upset, I’d ring her and chat things through. To lose all that was really, really difficult.
“The hardest thing for me was the first time I washed her. She was such a proud lady, and to then have to give her personal care, it was such a shock. It was so hard.
“But I feel that I need to do it because, if I needed care and she was OK, I know she’d do it for me. So, I need to be there for her, I need to make sure she is OK.”
Advice to other carers
When Claire isn’t caring for or making memories with Katie, she tries hard to spend time with husband Danny or with her friends – to get a little time for herself.
“Being a carer isn’t easy. It can be difficult and lonely. My advice is not to let things build up and build up, but talk them through and find your support group,” she said.
“When your loved one is no longer there, you are going to need those people around you to keep you going. You do matter, so take time out just to be you.”
- Advice on accessing support for carers is available on our website . The carers hub web pages have been co-created for and by unpaid carers.
