This story contains details of abuse that some readers may find upsetting.
Names in this story have been changed.
Maisie, 53, has become a beacon of hope for those struggling with mental health challenges, and is working hard to encourage people to seek vital support.
“I don’t want anyone to go through what I’ve been through, and I want others to know that even in their darkest times, they still matter,” she said.
“It’s a fact, it’s not a feeling. It’s not an idea, it’s a fact – they really matter. If we can help one person by helping them understand that they matter, then that’s amazing.”
Maisie’s early years
Maisie’s early years were marked by heartache. Her father left when she was just three, to start a new family, and she didn’t hear from him again for over 30 years.
This early abandonment left scars which would shape her identity for years to come, as did severe bullying at school – which compounded her feelings of worthlessness.
“I was a daddy’s girl, but his absence left me feeling abandoned and unworthy. My value became tied to people pleasing, and striving for perfection,” she said.
“My mother, who struggled with her own mental health, often directed her anger towards me. I grew up trying to be invisible, to avoid conflict just to fit in.”
Maisie walked around as if “carrying the whole world on her shoulders” while growing up. There was no joy to her life, just unrelenting misery.
In addition to enduring violent outbursts from her mother, often on a daily basis, she was also sexually abused by her mother’s partner for years.
It is only recently that her abuser has finally been brought to justice and jailed.
“I disassociated myself from it all and got on with life. Because that’s what you did back then. It was so much harder to get people to believe you,” said Maisie.
“I felt that I was so different, and I had no value, no worth. When I failed my exams, my mother said that I was a bitter disappointment.
“I now know I am neurodivergent with complex post-traumatic stress disorder through a traumatic childhood, so I was never going to do well educationally without support at that time.”
Finding happiness
Despite her difficult early life, Maisie finally found happiness when she met her husband-to-be while at sixth form college. The pair married when she was 22.
Together they raised two daughters, striving to create a nurturing environment that was starkly different from Maisie’s own upbringing.
“I asked my husband to help me through it – because all I knew was what not to do. I poured my love into my daughters. Oh my God, I loved them,” she said.
However, the shadows of Maisie’s past continued to loom. As her children grew, so she found herself grappling with the emotional fallout of her own childhood.
Seeking answers
She eventually turned to the Salvation Army for help, seeking to understand her roots, which led to a reconnection with her estranged father at the age of 35.
The reunion was bittersweet.
“We talked on the phone at first, then I drove to see him. I was expecting James Bond – a debonair, handsome man that sensible woman fell at the feet of,” she said.
“Instead, I saw an old man, who was a shell of what he had been. I was physically like him, but my character was completely different. Thank goodness.”
Contact with her father revealed the existence of a previously unknown half-brother – whom her father had also left when he was just a child.
After tracking down her sibling on Facebook, the pair connected – and Maisie persuaded him to visit their poorly father. Just hours after the visit, their dad died.
Caring for others during difficult times
Three years later, in 2010, Maisie’s father-in-law became ill and passed away. During this time Maisie noticed that her mother’s memory started to deteriorate.
“It started with missing meetings and losing keys – which she never did, and we realised there was more going on than just forgetfulness,” said Maisie.
“She wouldn’t engage in services at all. She was getting letters from the memory service, but she kept cancelling her appointments as she said nothing was wrong.”
Eventually, her mother was diagnosed with dementia. Maisie became her primary caregiver – navigating her mother’s illness, while supporting her own family.
It was a difficult time for them all and finally, following a court case, it was decided that her mother needed to be moved to a care home.
Not long afterwards, in 2020, Maisie found herself in the “darkest of places” and realised that she couldn’t continue to carry all of life’s burdens.
Reaching out for help
“I was terrified of life during this time,” said Maisie. “But I realised I needed support, so I reached out to Tees, Esk and Wear Valleys NHS Foundation Trust (TEWV) for help.”
Through therapy, Maisie began to unpack her trauma and learned to challenge the negative beliefs she had internalised over the years.
“I discovered that my worth is not contingent upon others’ approval,” she said. “I learned that I matter simply for being me.”
Learning ‘I matter’
This newfound understanding ignited a passion within Maisie to support others who have experienced similar challenges.
She began volunteering with our Trust’s involvement and engagement team (I&E) and is now focused on mental health advocacy for all patients and carers.
“I wanted to give back, to let others know they aren’t alone,” she said. “If I can help just one person, then that’s an achievement.”
Finding a sense of purpose
Her work with the I&E team has not only provided her with a sense of purpose but has also fostered connections with others who share her experiences.
Maisie has embraced her journey of self-discovery by taking up sewing classes at night school and is also enjoying other activities that bring her peace and happiness.
“For the first time in my life, I’m doing things that please me,” she said. “It’s liberating to finally prioritise myself.
“I now know, and I want others to know, that even in your darkest moments, you still matter. It’s not just a feeling; it’s a fact.”
Maisie has recently become involved in TEWV’s new campaign encouraging people to get early help for their mental health.
You matter
You Matter highlights the importance of getting help early if you are struggling with your mental health. It signposts to a range of easily accessible support including self help guides, Recovery College Online, community wellbeing hubs and support centres, mental health support in GP surgeries and Talking Therapies.
The campaign was created alongside other people who have lived experience of mental illness, either personally or as a carer, and uses their own words throughout the campaign.
As her mother enters the final stages of dementia, Maisie still feels the need to do the “right thing for her” – but also knows that she must care for herself as well.
“We all have a story to tell, and every story matters,” she said. “This campaign is so important, as we need to help other people realise that they matter too.”
Find out more about You Matter and mental health support
